Like a Rose

I've been trying to decide how to start this, I know in my head what I want to say or how this post should "sound" but getting the words from my brain onto "paper" don't always translate the way I want. We'll see how this goes...

There have been some things the Lord has been working on in my heart, to give an exact starting date would be hard. The more I think about what has taken place, the more I realize this has been years in the making.

To explain what God has done in my heart I would liken it to a rose. A rose bud. If you look at a rose bud the petals are closed very tight, sometimes you can't even see the color of the petals because green leaves surround the bud. The rose bud is tightly closed and if you were to pry or force the petals open before they're ready you would dramatically change the appearance. What you would end up with may resemble a rose, but it would not be a thing of beauty.

However, given time and care that rose bud will slowly start to open. With continued patience and care that tightly closed rose bud will blossom into a beautiful, fragrant rose.

My heart pertaining to a certain matter was that rose bud. Tightly and securely closed, in fact I'm sure my heart looked like a rose with green leaves still covering the bud. When it came to this topic, discussion, possibility I had every intention of keeping that bud closed forever. My arguments were valid, my reasoning sound, in fact I'd be willing to bet I could find many people who would agree that keeping my bud, just that, a bud, was maybe even the "wise" thing to do.

And yet, the Gardener of my heart, the One who tends to and cares for my rose buds, though He would never force a single bud open, His desire was to see that rose bud bloom.

My Gardener is patient, so very patient.

Over the years this matter would come up and while I may not have admitted with my mouth, my heart was closed, that rose bud would not be allowed to open.

At times I could feel gentle tuggings at my heart, I didn't want to budge. Aside from my arguments and sound reasoning, I knew there would be a cost involved and I wasn't willing to open myself up to what those costs could mean.

Not quite a year and a half ago this matter, topic, discussion, possibility was again brought up, but this time, differently, instead of a gentle tug, it was now, would you consider this?

I was faced with a decision.

Would I choose to keep my rose bud, safely, comfortably, familiarly closed tight?

Or

Would I choose to allow my heart's Gardener to tend for, care for, and speak to my heart, in turn causing my rose bud to bloom?

I believe that if I had chosen the 1st option, my rose bud would be allowed to stay closed. I believe I would miss out on seeing God move in amazing ways, but I don't believe God forces us to do anything, we have a free will, we are allowed to make our own decisions, and had I chose #1 I wouldn't be writing this. :)

I chose #2, not very willingly, but I chose to pray for God's will to be done, that if this huge undertaking were His will, that He would show me, beyond a shadow of a doubt that this was His will.

I prayed, hoping that just praying would be satisfactory.

I prayed hoping that we wouldn't really be called to do what I had been closed to all these years.

I prayed...not my will but Yours.

I prayed for the Lord to change my heart if this was His will.

I prayed...

I allowed the Sunlight to shine on my rose bud, I allowed my tears, even, to water it, and it began to open...slowly, but it began to open.

There's so much more to the story of my rose bud that I'll share at another time, soon hopefully.
This post is a testimony of how if we are willing and open, God can change the desires of our heart. It can be a slow and sometimes painful process, but God is so patient, He waited for me.

And as I'm writing this, my rose bud is in full bloom, it looks like a rose is supposed to look. And with that rose has come great joy!!